Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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