I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
