Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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