Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
