i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
