shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
