Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You are the jesus of drinking
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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