all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
