theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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