I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
