is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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