If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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