Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
