I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
