dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
