Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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