My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
