so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
