we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
