there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
