i love accidental penises.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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