i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
