a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Two words: blizzard sex
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
