Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
