btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize