I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
