Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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