I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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