3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
