your thong is hanging out like whoa
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
