im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This is the high leading the old right now
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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