He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Randomize
