Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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