I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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