I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
