After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
