dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
