If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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