Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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