That's intense
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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