dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
