I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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