Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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