walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
