woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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