Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
there is puke in my bra ... again
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
