ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
