My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
