You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My dick has a subreddit
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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