I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
