I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
