officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
