the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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