Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
