I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
