i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
