Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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