She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I met the friendliest cop last night
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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