# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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