don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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