Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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