And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
