Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
