he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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