hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Randomize
