I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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