if you like me you must not know who I am
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
