He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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