Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
